


Backseat of the Impala

by ambitchous_gal



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Blood Kink, Brother/Brother Incest, Daddy Kink, Explicit Language, Fluff, Graphic Description, Heartbreak, Incest, Jealousy, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, Knifeplay, M/M, Oral Sex, Other, Rough Kissing, Rough Sex, Sibling Incest, Sibling Love, Smut, So Wrong It's Right, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-04-25 09:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14375445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ambitchous_gal/pseuds/ambitchous_gal
Summary: Sam and Dean Winchester had always had a special relationship. But when a drunken kiss drives the brothers apart, both of their hearts break. Will they ever feel whole again without the other by their side?





	1. The Day That Sam Left For Stanford

The day that Sam left for Stanford was the hardest day of Deans life. He knew the reason, and it wasn't to get away from the hunting; it was to get away from him. The eldest Winchester brother spent nearly every night drinking himself into a stupor and finding new things to break. The first night, it was almost everything in the motel room, from mirrors, to chairs, to the many holes in the walls. He couldn't help but wonder why he'd been so stupid...  
A few weeks before, Sam and Dean had gone out drinking, to celebrate a successful hunt. It was nothing too complicated, just an old man being haunted by his jealous yet very dead wife. Salt and burn. Plain and simple. The drinking may have gotten out of hand though, because after stumbling back to their motel, Dean found his arms wrapped tightly around Sam, and that was when it happened. The stupid, sloppy, drunken kiss that wrecked a bond that two brothers had spent years forming. Sam got distant after that. He was never around, and when he was, he did everything in his power to avoid his big brother. It was fucking torture. When the news had finally spilt, Dean could feel his heart shatter into a million pieces. One week later, he was forced to say his goodbyes.  
Hunting with just Dad wasn't the same. John was loud, and drunk. He was cold and distant too, unlike Sam. He wouldn't talk to him outside of cases, and sometimes he'd go off on his own. It wouldn't have been so hard to deal with if he'd still had Sam around. Hell, his brother wouldn't even answer his calls anymore. It hurt a little more each time his call went to voicemail.  
~×~  
The day that Sam left for Stanford was the hardest day of his life. He didn't want to leave Dean. He loved his big brother, but he had to go. Everything was just going to wrong, and he had to get away.  
The night that Dee and him shared the kiss, Sam felt tingles all over his body in the worst... No, best... Worst? Way. Fuck, it was all so confusing. He knew that his brother had kissed him on accident, no doubt going for a cheek kiss, but Sam's big dumb head must have turned. He spent weeks trying to push his awful thoughts from his mind, but he couldn't. He loved Dean in a way that he knew he shouldn't. So the younger brother had to leave. It was the only way he could think of taking care of everything. If Dee found out how he felt, then there's no way he'd stick around. He would be so disgusted, and he couldn't deal with the rejection.  
After giving Dean a final hug, Sam got on the train, watching Dean out the window as the small metal wheels screeched down the track. Saying goodbye didn't fix how he felt, though. It hiet so much worse. The brown haired male would cry himself to sleep most nights until he felt empty. It hurt so bad, that he was afraid if he spike to Dean on the phone, he'd reveal how he felt. All he wanted was his brother, but in a way he could never have him.


	2. Hiya Sammy

Dean tried, believe me he tried to continue his life style without Sam. Every case that he found, including things that just seemed suspicious, he went on. Whether John went with him or not, he needed it to escape how he felt. To escape the rapid racing of thoughts in his mind like a subway gone of the tracks. The loud screeching of the self judgment, the screams denial, the crashing of embarrassment. It was all there, and more present than he'd ever thought possible. How was it that he could have been so stupid? He drove Sam away, and he knew that. The fact ate him up inside all day, and kept him up all night. When the hunter wasn't working, he was drinking. He made frequent, almost nightly trips to bars and strip clubs. Some of those who worked in the establishments had even learned his name and preferences. However, the booze, the hunts, the mindless sex... It was all useless attempts at distraction. All he wanted was his brother, but Sam had continued even now to ignore his attempts of communication. After a long while, Dean had convinced himself that Sam was better off without him, and in fact he was. At least this way, he could become successful, like Dean always knew he would be. Even when they were young, Sammy was always a smarty pants. He'd be the one who helped Dee with his homework, when he actually bothered to do it. Sam had the opportunity of a bright future. One where he could actually be happy. Knowing that it was for the best, Dee kept on doing what he had, never bothering to learn a chicks name, because they were nothing compared to Sam...  
He had to see him, so he came up with a little white lie. He'd pretend that John was missing, and that he needed Sam's help.  
~x~  
This is exactly how Sam felt, unbeknownst to Dean. Although, his methods for quieting the arguments in his mind were different. He spent his time studying, doing extra credit even. He just needed the busy work. Another way he thought would help, was moving on. That was when he met Jess. She was the mos beautiful woman he'd ever met, and extremely intelligent. As time went on and they began living together, he realized how wrong it was. Not wrong in the same moral sense as being utterly in love with his brother, but wrong in the sense that he knew his heart belonged to Dean whether he approved of it or not. The younger Winchester brother spent time trying to come up with a way to break things off with Jess. It just didn't feel right to lead her on like that. The male had cooked her a dinner and purchased a rather nice wine to cheer her up. About half way though their meal, right when he was about to explain thing, well to an extent, there was a knock on the door. Sam rose to his feet, strolled over to the door rather annoyed, and opened it. The sight in front of him utterly knocked the wind out of his lungs. This was the first time he'd seen his brother in nearly a year, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and recreate the kiss from all those nights ago, but with Jessica lurking behind him, he could not. all he could do was stand there, frozen in fear and excitement.  
~x~  
Dean stood at the door, a huge smile on his freckled face, in shock at how much Sam had grown over such a short period of time. After several painful moments of silence as the sparks passed between them creating invisible fireworks, Dee ran a shaky hand through his tousled blonde hair. His lips were chapped and his eyes red and swollen from tears.When he spoke, even his voice could reflect how broken he felt. "Hiya, Sammy."


	3. Chapter 3

Dean and Sam stood there, one brother outside, and one in, in complete silence. Both were seemingly frozen in place until Jess made her way to the door with a ridiculously friendly smile. The slender woman wrapped a protective arm around Sam's waist as her eyes traveled up and down the strange man.   
"Who's this?" She asked suspiciously as she looked up at Sam.   
The much taller man swallowed the thick lump in his throat and ran his long and slender fingers through his brown hair. "Uh, Jess, this is Dean..." Dee looked between the two, suddenly worried that he'd told her what he did...   
Jess' expression softened instantly and she stepped forward to give Dean a large hug. It was a kind of hug that one night recieve from an old friend, not a complete stranger. And certainly not one wjod been sleeping with the lo- who'd been sleeping with his brother. "Dean Winchester! The brother with the killer smoulder." She exclaimed with a playful wink as she stepped back into Sam. "Sammy has told me so much about you! He clearly looks up to you."  
Hearing her call him Sammy made Dean's skin crawl. That was a special nickname, that he did not want anyone else calling him. His fists were clenched at his sides when he forced a fake smile in her direction. "Oh, that's funny! He hasn't mentioned a word about you." He kept up the friendly charade as he pushed his way past them and into the building.   
Sam took a deep breath and put his large hands on Jess' shoulders. "Honey, would you mind giving me a moment with my brother?" He asked as gently as he could. This would certainly put a damper on his plans. Jessica rolled her eyes and made her way to their bedroom. After she was gone, he turned and took a deep breath. "Dean... What are you doing here?"  
That wasn't what Dean expected, although he wasn't sure what it was that he was expecting from him. "I need your help Sam..." And that was when he said the famous words.   
"What was he hunting? Why weren't you with him?" Sam asked, even though he was glad that he hadn't been. Losing Dad was one thing, but losing Dean was entirely different.   
"I don't know, Sammy. Please, just come with me. I can't do this alone." When Dean spoke, he was only half talking about the fake hunting trip. He couldn't do anything without Sam. He really did need him, even though Sam was better off without him.   
"Okay Dean." Sam looked down. Being alone with Dean could either be fantastic, or it could be utterly toxic. The mand with the moose like build stood up and turned, not saying a word to his brother as he walked to his bedroom, where Jess had clearly been eavesdropping. As she watched Sam take out a suitcase and begin packing, she felt anger brewing inside her.   
"You're leaving? With him?" She demanded as she crossed her arms over her chest. "How long will you be gone Sam? We have class on Monday." As she spike, Sam was slowly building up courage.   
He closed his suitcase and stood in the doorway of their bedroom. "Jess, I'm not coming back." He said with a sigh, averting eye contact. "We're done." And with that, he turned, walking through each room and out the door. Dean was already in the impala, looking wonderful in a deep green flannel that accented his eyes. The younger brother put his bag in the back as he climbed in, and took a deep breath, closing the passenger door. "Okay. Let's go."


	4. You're so Stubborn, De

Dean was honestly surprised when he saw Sam get into the passenger seat. He couldn't hide the smile, the excitement, and when he saw Jess walking down the steps with tears streaming down her pale skin, it only became more evident. "Alright." He said with a grin, although he sat there for another moment. "Alright, let's go." He turned the key and barely gave the impala a minute to start before he pulled it onto the street and started driving.   
The journey wasn't just quiet, it was terrifyingly silent for what seemed like hours. Dean had practiced so many speeches and run through an infinite amount of possibilities for their first real conversation... But now that Sam was there, so close yet so far away, he was choking on his words every time he went to open his mouth. Eventually he reached out and pressed in the knob on the dash, turning on the radio. His Metallica tape started playing, and as For Whom The Bell Tolls progressed, he was able to relax. By the time Fade to Black started, he was singing along back in his element as the black car moved through the night, camouflaged in the darkness.   
After a whilw it was clear that the eldest Winchester was starting to get drowsy. He let out a yawn every few minutes around song lyrics, and even tried rolling down his window, letting the cool night air jerk him awake. That only went on for a couple minutes until Sam shut off the window and let out a sigh.   
~x~  
Sam was unsure of what to say to Dean from the start. Sure he'd imagined some fairy tale reunion where they'd kiss and cry and promise to never depart again, but he knew his big brother didn't do chick flick moments. He'd finally gotten the nerve up to start with small talk, but before he could get out a single word, Dean had turned on the cassette player.   
The younger male shut up and listened to the music with his arms crossed. He knew all the words of course, Dean had been listening to the same tape for as long as he could remember. Plus, there has been nights since he left where he couldn't sleep without Metallica in the background.   
Surprisingly he was enjoying the journey until Dean started doing off. If they went off the road he'd most likely beat himself up about it and overreact like every time Sam had ever gotten so much ad a scrape as a kid. He reached out and shut off the music, sighing loudly as he turned on the leather seat to face Dean a little better. "Dude, you gotta pull over." He said as a clear statement, rather than suggestion. "We passed a motel about a mile or two back. Turn around, we can crash there for the night."   
"Oh come on." Dean protested instantly, fixing his eyes to the road with a scoff. "I'm perfectly fine. Plus, the quicker we get there, the quicker we save dad, the quicker you can get back to that normal life you've always wanted and not have to deal with me." There was hurt behind the sarcastic tone of his voice, and Sam could see that.   
Sam took Dean's hand, the one that was draped lazily around the back of the front seat, which caused him to freeze. "You're so stubborn, De." He said with a chuckle. "Just go back to the motel alright? I don't know what the hells going on anyway. This'll give you a chance to catch me up and get some rest."   
Dean sighed, clearly annoyed. "Alright." He did a u-turn in the middle of the empty road and headed back.   
~x~  
Dean was always quick to do whatever his baby brother wanted him to. He really didn't want to be in a motel room with him though. Hw didn't want to give that chance to slip up and say or do something stupid. Something that would make Sam leave like he did before.   
Once he got everything situated at the front desk, he locked the motel room door and kicked off his boots, laying on the bed closest to the door. He didn't even get under the covers, and he turned on his side so Sam couldn't see his face.  
When Sam came out of the bathroom, his freshly brished smile turned to a frown when he saw Dean already in bed. "Hey, Dean?" He asked as he sat down in the edge of his own bed, but there was no answer. He pulled back the sheets and climbed under covering himself up and staring at the ceiling.   
Dean wasn't asleep, he knew he'd only drift off if he was real lucky. He couldn't stop thinking, over thinking, analyzing everything from the night he kissed Sam, to eight now. Because he wanted to do it again.   
"Goodnight De." He heard Sam mutter from the other side of the room.   
"Night Sammy."


	5. Nothing Important

Dean was surprisingly able to fall asleep with little effort once his mind quieted. Sam on the other hand, he stayed awake, laying on his side, mapping out Dean's silhouette. Having him this close was comforting and it was something that he'd definitely needed for a very long time. Part of him wanted to crawl into Dean's bed and nuzzle into him like he had when they were kids. Although nightmares didn't seem like a good excuse anymore. After what seemed like hours, the younger brother got out of bed and turned on the bathroom light. He pulled out a book and laid on his stomach with the book in the light so he wouldn't wake Dean while he read.   
Several chapters into Modern Law Sam finally felt the visit from the sandman. He rubbed his eyes and let out a quiet yawn, but tried to push past it and keep reading. Of course, it didn't work like he wanted it to.   
By the time Sam woke up he was rocked tight into bed and it was the smell of bacon that woke him up. He sat up slowly and looked around letting his eyes adjust. There was a plate of very unhealthy, Dean style breakfast sitting on the table, and the sounds of water running and poor singing radiated from the bathroom. He couldn't help but smile to himself as he stood up. It seemed like everything was back to normal.   
~x~  
Dean had woken up pretty damn early, feeling refreshed and ready to start the day- until he remembered where he was. Unlike Sam, having his brother close didn't calm him. It filled him with anxiety because when he looked at Sam, all that he thought was love, love, love. Not baby brother, not kiddo, love. Not the kind of love brothers should feel, and he felt guilty about that.   
He stretched his arms about and tossed on his jacket, ready to leave until he glanced over at Sam. The kid had passed out with his face in his book, halfway falling off the damn bed. He let out a sigh and walked over, gently lifting his head and taking the book out from under him. "Dammit Sammy." He mumbled to himself as he tucked his little brother in and made sure there was a pillow under his head. Then he headed out to the nearest diner to pick up a couple of breakfast specials.   
He was going to wait for Sam to wake up before eating, but it had been a hot minute so he chowed down and had the whole tray finished in practically no time. When Dean had finished eating, he headed into the bathroom and for into the shower, singing Jailhouse Rock as he lathered, rinsed, and repeated.   
He finished Sam would probably still be asleep when he was done, so he wrapped a towel around his waist and headed into the other room, going straight for the duffle bag he'd left on his bed. "Mornin sunshine." He heard muttered from behind him and jumped, turning to see Sam with a cup of coffee and the newspaper st the table.   
"You scared the living shit outta me Sam!" Dean explained as he whipped his shirt in Sam's direction, narrowing his eyes when his little brother caught it and tossed it back.   
Sam just laughed and rolled his eyes. "You promised you were gonna let me know what the hell Dad was hunting, so hurry up and get dressed."   
Dean's face flushed when he remembered he was practically nude. He grumbled to himself and grabbed a handful of random clothes, then vanished into the bathroom once more.   
~x~   
Sam mentally kicked himself once Dean was out of sight. He had been staring the whole time, watching the water drip from Dean's hair down his chilled back. He let out a sigh and finished what was in his cup then returned to his bed and started sorting through his bag.   
He reached into the bottom, trying to find his necklace. What he pulled out though, made his heart skip a beat. It was a bracelet that Jess had gotten him, or at least that's what the tag said. She'd never actually given it to him. Sam stared at the piece of jewelry with a frown on his lips, and when Dean came out it was like the Crown was contagious.   
"What's that?" Dean asked as he sat at the edge of his own bed, looking over at what was in Sam's hands.  
Sam shook himself out of the daze and tossed it back into his beg. "Nothing important." He said with a little more truth in his words than he though. He pulled out the samulet and hooked it around his neck, right where it belonged.   
Dean watched his brother with a frown on his lips and ran his fingers through his damp hair. "Do you miss her?" He asked quietly, looking down. He could almost feel the touchy feely moment approaching.   
"I thought I would, but not really." Sam said with a shrug. "I hate that I hurt her, but she's just." He looked up, amber eyes meeting green. "She was never who I wanted to be with."


End file.
